I feel so empty. So alone. Bitter. I feel completly detatched from life. Ive lost my place. I have made so many mistakes in my life, that i feel thats the only skill i have. My tears hurt now. I failed. I can only hope it will be over soon
Just when you think it could never happen…
Ive loved you. Ive feared you. Ive memorized your words. Ive sung songs to you. Ive prayed to you. I have begged for forgiveness and salvation. I have cried and pleaded to you. Ive defended you and praised you, and even cursed you… Where are you? Show me. Please
During the early years of my demise, I devised a plan. A plan that would take me on a journey of self exploration that would probe into the depths of a hell. A place where a certain amount of strength is vital to survive the insurmountable amount of change that is necessary. A perception of ones being. A dark place where no color or flame can survive. My only worry would be to enjoy it, become one.
“Enter At Your Own Risk” is the sign that welcomes you. Almost a comfort to know isolation is near. A coral reef of despare lays beneath my shallow heart. It might be considered beautiful to some and dangerous to others. I see inner peace. A bookmark in my life reminding me to go back and read again, though impossible to understand. It does give me peace.
A complex type of separation. Being able to split yourself like an atom. Both sides have a life, a purpose and meaning. Both can function independently. Stand side by side, mirroring each other in two different dimensions. Unclear of why. It’s a twisted game, a competition of selves. Good vs evil, man vs machine, mind vs heart. A battle of epic proportions. A never-ending war.
As you look at the mirror image of yourself, can you possibly see what is corrupt in the other? Can you look through the windows of the soul and see yourself maybe in a different light? Do you make friends? Or declare it an enemy? Do you embrace? Or call upon a revolution against yourself? Does it even matter? What will be will be. What is will always be.
A place where lies of ourselves are our ticket to self acceptance and approval. Like a facade of an ordinary existence. Like naked mannequins standing frozen in the place of people. Camophlauged with smiles and nice words, so to be undetected among others. Safely undetected among the rest.
